Ship of Theseus

This conversation discusses the complexities of self-identity in the face of change by exploring the concept of self-reinvention, discussing how we change daily through our decisions and interactions. They identify significant turning points in life and reflect on personal growth through self-reflection. They also address the limits of reinvention, the challenges of personal growth, and the significance of evaluating relationships and trust. 

Thank you Josh, Amarcus, Jeffery and the NEQ team

Josh - Instagram

Amarcus - N/A

Jeffery -Instagram

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Transcript

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Amarcus (02:23)
you, back,

back.

Josh B (02:23)
the post editing is crazy.

Amarcus (02:23)
Alright, so that was my last sevenish days as such. So Josh, your turn.

Josh B (02:29)
Yeah, you know, I live in Minnesota. The North like a Marcus, but the more turbulent North. ⁓ Work has been good. Just trying to start and get some of the projects out the way. know, Q1 is always interesting. I got sick for like the first for the entire holidays, then got sick again the week before this. So it feels like I'm trying to start the new year finally. Yeah.

Big Brother (02:52)
Mmm.

Josh B (02:54)
It's just been interesting because you know, it's a hard balance between What's going on in like my day-to-day life and what's happening in the streets? I'm not gonna talk focus too much on everything going on. You can look that up. Yeah Yesterday, I'm pretty sure they tried to shut down the airport. So It's it's an interesting time in Minneapolis. I shut down as being hyperbolic, but there were protests all throughout downtown and

Big Brother (03:12)
Really?

Josh B (03:20)
Downtown the airports different people going on general strike. It's been an interesting time living here, especially as ⁓ Non-native from the East Coast but outside of that no works good life is good Have a couple of dance things. I'm working on so yeah multifaceted life I'm still single unlike a Marcus

Amarcus (03:44)
Having a great time.

Josh B (03:46)
Having

a great time out here exploring the world. Getting FOMO because my friends are in Jamaica right now, really enjoying themselves. And I can't go to Mexico City in February, even though I've been invited to go multiple times. But I'll be back on my travel. I'll be back on my travel grind starting in March.

Amarcus (03:48)
Yeah.

Big Brother (03:49)
Mmm, I'm-

Look, I'm trying to travel.

Amarcus (04:05)
Can

you go to Mexico City, I guess, for the audience?

Josh B (04:08)
That is a

$400- $500 flight plus the housing. yeah.

Amarcus (04:14)
Yep.

Big Brother (04:18)
I understand because I have friends invite me to Las Vegas, not out the country, you know, small trip, but I'm like, all right, it's 300 just to, and I was looking this up like weeks ago. It was like 300 just to sleep on the couch. I'm like, all right, cool, that's not a problem. Then 500 just for the round trip. I'm like, ah, and this is a week trip? No, can't do that as much as I want to.

Josh B (04:47)
I still gotta buy my flights for Rhode Island and DC, so. And then Montreal.

Big Brother (04:51)
Hmm.

Amarcus (04:52)
We ⁓

Big Brother (04:55)
Mm.

Amarcus (04:56)
need to go. What time you think I'm going?

Josh B (04:58)
I'm gone in July.

Amarcus (05:00)
That'd be a time. ⁓ You should try this spa, please, Josh, called Bota Bota. Very nice and relaxing.

Josh B (05:08)
Yeah, we'll

see. I'm... will be at an event for a lot of it. Also, I'll be in Detroit in June as well, in June twice, so...

Big Brother (05:13)
Hahaha

Amarcus (05:17)
Yeah,

Big Brother (05:18)
That's all. Nice.

Amarcus (05:18)
you got a place. You got a place. So don't need to worry about housing if you want. So I got you.

Josh B (05:23)
I need you to send me your address again so I can calculate that distance.

Amarcus (05:28)
Got you. Got you. ahead, do that now. And speaking of traveling, we got invited into a wedding in Mexico, but it's a 2K for everything, not including flights. $1,800 for the flights, and then 2K for the actual reservation for the resort and all that. it's like, I'm going to be there for four days. And it's like, we'll think about it. We'll think.

Big Brother (05:30)
Mmm. What?

No, that's understandable.

Josh B (05:59)
Is it your, is it you were

invited or was it y'all were invited?

Amarcus (06:03)
Y'all, me and Olivia. yep.

Big Brother (06:08)
Very nice. But I'll mention to the audience, Jeffrey's laptop exploded apparently, so he had to make an immediate exit. So I'll just go with my seven-inch days. And yeah, these past seven, I really haven't been doing much. I have moved into the new apartment since the last time

I record, actually yeah, you guys are the first recording of 2026. So there's that. And yeah, I just been, I need to get out because the past couple of weeks I've set up my apartment of how I want it for the most part. And I haven't really left it for one reason or another because let's

Amarcus (06:43)
All right.

Big Brother (07:05)
Last weekend I took my car to the shop because for the past, let's say month and a half, when I'm driving down the highway, I would just, ⁓ my car would just show up with an error sign that was like the front assist isn't working. I'm like, all right, cool, that's not big, no big deal. That's just, know, the car just can't detect the car in front of me. Just gave myself more space, whatever. The issue with that is ⁓ every time it flickered, it would say break immediately. I'm like,

I know, just know. And so, and then it was really bad these past two weeks because So the first time it happened, ⁓ coming back from work, it flashed and everything, gave me the warning, the...

The lights, like everything flickered off for a split second. Like I saw the gauge go like hit zero and then pop right back up. And living in Atlanta, I'm like, yeah, that's a problem because they don't even know it only happens for a second. ⁓ I'm dealing with traffic constantly. So there's one time where I actually had to mentally think about, all right, if I can't stop, I'm going to have to jump into the, ⁓ the fast lane. the, what is it called? The easy pass.

⁓ The expression, I had to jump into the expression just so I wouldn't crash into someone. And I'm like, yeah, that's a concern. And then coming to work the very next day, it happened like seven times to where I was actually hitting my hazards just to warn people around me. like, yeah, by the way, something's not right with my car. Do with that information as you wish. So took it to the shop.

to the dealership just to get it checked out. Apparently that issue was just because the to the battery wasn't fully connected, so it was just loose. I'm like, cool. They didn't charge me for that. But there was a whole bunch of other issues with my car, more or less, that actually I'll go into it. Need to change the spark plug, need to change the air filters, a brake.

break fluid something, I don't I'm like, yeah, go ahead, do all that. Then they found out something was, the CV belt was leaking underneath my passenger tire. And they were like, yeah, that'll be another $600. And I'm like, mm. I was already prepared to spend, let's just say, $1,200 ⁓ with everything before they found this leak. And I'm like, yeah, that sounds important, but I still gotta eat. ⁓ And I can't give...

Extra five five hundred six hundred luckily they were the dealership was able to work with me. So they knocked off the The highest price thing I was already paying for it. It was like alright cool. Just pay We just charge you this and you just pay an extra 200 versus an extra 500. I'm like because I'm on the road so much and I kind of care for the safety of me and my car I might go ahead do it so down 1400 just to repair everything but

⁓ Other than that, ⁓ I went to ⁓ Stone Mountain with my cousin because we were supposed to go weeks ago. ⁓ That fell through, but glad I was able to go this time just to wrap up. And that's really been it for my last seven-ish days.

Amarcus (10:47)
Okay.

I cars. I love them. I do. And I work in the field related to them, but I can't stand them. and you, like, you can't, you see, what I learned is the word passion.

Josh B (10:53)
Yeah, I'm like, don't don't don't say you hate cars. You and all people can't say that.

Big Brother (10:56)
Yeah

Yeah.

Amarcus (11:07)
comes from the word suffering in Latin as such, And it's like, you can't love something so much that you hate it as well because like, it's BS. As soon as you drive the car all of a sudden, now you gotta get like the rear tail lights replaced for some whatever reason. It's car maintenance, I hate it. But yeah. I wish you had a little joy.

Big Brother (11:09)
Hmm.

Yeah, no, I enjoy having

a car, the ⁓ inconvenience it makes when I need to repair it.

Amarcus (11:36)
Yes.

Josh B (11:37)
Yeah.

Big Brother (11:38)
Always always riles me of my my hard-earned money But ⁓ what that said and so I can get you guys out of here roughly in time ⁓ the question of Today is actually I like I said, I told you guys behind the scenes and everything This question was not meant for you. It was meant someone else that ended up canceling, but I like to reduce reuse recycle

And so the, what part of that is crazy.

Josh B (12:09)
That's crazy work, but okay.

⁓ I know the full context, so I'm not gonna say anything.

Amarcus (12:21)
Good

You see now, Amarcus wants another full context, but it's OK. We can wait.

Josh B (12:28)
I mean he just told

us the full content off... off screen. Off screen. That's crazy. That's crazy about you.

Big Brother (12:30)
The full... Off screen,

Amarcus (12:31)
yeah, yeah, that's true. yeah, okay, okay. Okay.

Big Brother (12:37)
the full context

was this was supposed to be for someone where it was supposed to be about menopause. And I'm like, hmm, how am I, me, 27 year old male, gonna talk about this? Tyler still wasn't co-hosting, so I'm like, huh.

So the question with that said is, hold on, let me read this because, are you still you if your body and mind are still changing?

Amarcus (13:10)
I guess that depends on your definition of who you are. it's it's definitely like I was saying before, a ship of thesis question, because it's like, what does being you entail, right? Are you you as your ego? Are you you as who you are in a certain moment? Because honestly, if your body and mind is changing, then you yourself, in my opinion, you yourself are changing.

Josh B (13:35)
You're just becoming a new version of yourself. Adapting, destroying the old version of you to create a new version.

Becoming the ideal

version of yourself, if you will.

Big Brother (13:46)
you can lose a bet. But

I think, yes. ⁓ Are you still you if you're still changing? Because you ⁓ guys may have heard this myth. I have not thought about this question since this has been brought up to me. So I'm really just thinking about this now. ⁓ absolutely.

Josh B (14:08)
You're shooting from the hip, that's good.

Big Brother (14:13)
I think yes you are still you even if you're changing ⁓ because

Amarcus (14:13)
it.

Big Brother (14:24)
Yeah, because it's in a real, uh, strange way, it's you. Um, it's, I guess I want to say it's kind of like quote unquote destiny. Like it's you were meant to be this person. You, um,

you from the your environment and everything you this is the you that you became That's what I want to say right now, but I feel like I'm going to change that answer

Josh B (14:51)
There's no you

that's you're than you.

Amarcus (14:54)
So I guess, Julian, your definition of you encompasses all of your experiences and even your future ones, if that's right. Yeah.

Big Brother (15:02)
Yeah, like this is

you, like, ⁓ because if your body and minds are so changing, case in point, I don't know why this always happens when you're on the, I bring up my tendon. ⁓ I tore my tendon years ago and had to relearn how to walk and everything. but that's, I had the identity crisis.

that because I wasn't able to run, I wasn't me. But I had to kind of fight through that and it's like, no, I am still me. ⁓ Just ability. I just can't do the things that I'm used to doing.

Amarcus (15:45)
then I guess my question for you, Julian, is can you really know who you are at any given moment based off your definition?

Josh B (15:55)
Actually,

I gotta point about this. I have some notes.

Amarcus (15:59)
Go ahead.

Josh B (15:59)
I'm looking, you know, since we're doing this online, I can pull up notes and stuff. But yeah, there's a book by Adam Grant that actually talks about this well called Think Again. And the whole purpose of the book is kind of rethinking your opinions. And one of the chapters is about identity. And Julian, if you're talking about like how you're who you are fundamentally changed, that is who the specific version of you changed. But Adam Grant talks about this ideal of expanding what you're

So like you will you could say I am a basketball player then you can say I am just an athlete then if you expand that even more you can just basically be you can say I am someone who likes exposing myself to physical challenges and that expands the most the motif so when you go through this traumatic injury and then make it worse by trying to walk it off

You feel after that as if you're limited, you're no longer who you are. But as you extrapolate or expand that identity or go into what we use in work, I'm not, cause I don't know if you use wind chills. So I don't know if you'll get this reference, but parent child objects. When you expand to two parent objects, the child object is like, I am a basketball player, but this comes from the parent object of I love.

Amarcus (17:16)
I'm good.

Yeah. ⁓

Josh B (17:24)
physical challenges.

Amarcus (17:26)
Well, thankfully, Blender taught me about those relations. So yes. But that makes me.

Josh B (17:30)
Yeah. So it's not that you're, yeah, but Jillian,

it's not that you're yourself or who you are is just changing now that you no longer have one of your knees. It is, it is more of you just have to find a different way to express that part of yourself. And maybe that means going to play with, you know, the, you know, 60 year old NBA players who don't have knees as well, but you don't have the skills.

Amarcus (17:45)
you

Big Brother (17:46)
That's true.

Mmm.

Josh B (17:56)
turning from

Amarcus (17:56)
Thank

you.

Josh B (17:56)
AI to a Ray Allen, just spot up and shoot.

Amarcus (18:01)
Thank

Big Brother (18:05)
through because.

Amarcus (18:05)
Okay, so I guess

in a sense, our own identities can become limiting if there is something catastrophic that happens that breaks that singular piece of identity and such, right? So it's better that we step out and kind of increase those boundaries in which we define ourselves, right? So like, hey, I draw action anime. I'm a person that enjoys drawing people doing these physical challenges or to which I enjoy.

creating pieces of media that invoke a piece of passion within other people. So stuff like that.

Josh B (18:40)
Yeah.

And then you also gotta understand

what motivates you. For like some people, are you looking at like, enjoy my own endeavors and interests, and it's more tapping into this feeling. Or some people look for the external things of like, I want to complete this goal, this goal, this goal, this goal, and create these systems to achieve that. And once you switch that context, it's easier. So like for me, I'm a bit more goals oriented. And now, like these last few years, it's been sometimes a struggle to like consistently shift

I now feel like I'm in a good place to where I understand what my goals are in every most of my avenues of my life and what that value I'm a I'm a former debater so I can use the term value criterion of like my goal is like ⁓

My like objective is hitting these goals, but some of these goals are more abstract. So I'm rating that on this sense of like freedom or personal availability. And that's how I create. So if like I do dance and my ability, my goal is to be able to express all my ideas and that stuff with any level of person I'm dancing with. And that comes with time and dedication, but that's still aligned with this like thought of personal availability and freedom and which I searched for and not only my job, but I searched for in my activities as well.

Julian you're more of the feelings type person who's like I just want to feel good and I'll go after it. So it may not be basketball. You could become a switch hitter for baseball. You could could go rock climbing. I mean you're getting back into fight sports. So it's just changing what

Big Brother (20:06)
Hmm... You-

That's true, I am trying to get back into

continue.

Amarcus (20:15)
Aargh, Konnichiwa.

Josh B (20:17)
Changing what feels good.

Big Brother (20:19)
Yeah, which that actually reminded me of two things that also happened this weekend. also saying that also reminded me of a quote that either I thought of or made up or I heard somewhere. But it's like whatever you say you are. I can't remember how it goes directly, but it's like, oh, it's like you are not what you just say you are like you saying I'm a basketball player.

I am a A student, like that's not all you are. That's just something I wanted to throw out there. And then the other thing is ⁓ you're absolutely right about me being an emotional person because I realize my nervous system really starts to unwind ⁓ or just like... ⁓

Yeah, bother me when I don't say what I actually know what I want to say. And I bring that up is because I was actually having a conversation with Tyler about the podcast and related things. And I'm like, ⁓ she wants to go in one direction and I support it, I'm like, do I? And I'm like, yeah, we can do it. But I'm like, I didn't say no, no, I don't want to do this, but I trust you to lead us in the right direction. So.

⁓ And she asked me this out the blue. Completely shocked me. ⁓ And for other past things, I'm like, right, yeah, we can try it. But I'm like, yeah, no, I need to let you know, no, I don't want to do X thing, but as long as we're in the same direction. no, so I mean, she brought this up to me last week.

⁓ And for like a week straight, it's just been on my mind. I'm like I need to tell her this so

Yeah, because something that I have, you know, Josh, ⁓ again, I will always say thank you for telling me to write backup questions just for this situation. I have a whole bunch of backup questions and something. One of them is how many times would you say you reinvented yourself?

Josh B (22:14)
Little circle.

I think this is, it's always a framing of how you want to put it. Cause I mean, really, if we want to get super like philosophical high level and that stuff, we could say we reinvent ourselves every day and we reinvent ourselves every day with every decision, with every small interaction, with every choice we make, we're actively becoming a new person and you're trying to become your quote unquote ideal, which is also changing as you grow.

Amarcus (22:55)
you

Josh B (23:04)
I do think though if we're really looking at it like from a serious standpoint there are like objective turning points in our lives and there have been for everyone like I went through some like you know you have the middle school turning point you have the high school turning point you have like midpoint college turning point for me and then you have like turning points after like I left my first company and even now like it's been I feel like this year hit a turning point and

Big Brother (23:12)
Mmm.

Josh B (23:33)
It sucks that the turning point came with illness and I'm trying to like recover that momentum a bit I feel like. But it's now learning to let go and it's a change and it's process and if you want to be spiritual maybe getting eye sick was that transition period of telling me like let's ease into this transition. Let's let your body fully accept what it's about to go through. Yeah, that's the one everyone uses.

Big Brother (23:41)
Mm.

Zyklosickness.

Amarcus (24:03)
And you'll be surprised at how much you change as an individual. Like back in 2017, I wrote a letter to myself during winter break and it was a letter to myself five years into the future. And back in 2022, beginning of 2023, I read it and I was like, wow, I've really achieved a lot of the things that I was hoping for. And I was also in a place of like, I still want...

better for myself, for someone to like, still find a lot people. Say again? Exactly, right? He's like, you find that

Josh B (24:32)
He's not satisfied.

He's not satisfied.

Amarcus (24:42)
You find that, like, ⁓ I'm in this place of like, I still want more. I'm still not, you know, where I want to be. And you see like all this negativity about yourself and such, right? But you read, you know, something that you asked yourself in the past, like five years ago. And it's like, well, I've achieved a lot of that. I've achieved a good job in my industry, right? I've gotten, yeah, I've passed college. I still have great friends as well too, right? And, you know, and yeah, I'm in this place of like,

I don't ⁓

I'm not where I not be where I want to be, but I have definitely come far. And so like Josh is saying is like you you do depending on how you define, reinvent yourself, right? You have probably already done it, but I've been aware of it. Right. And I actually just now read another letter wrote to myself after that. So the one from three years ago and it's like, well, I didn't know I was going to go for a Masters. I didn't know I was going to run a whole marathon as well to or half marathon. Right. And because

But

those are all goals that we're, I've always seen like, I'm not gonna do this, no point in doing it, or I'm not a runner, I actually really hate running, going, all right, and here I am doing it. You never know who you're gonna be within a certain time, and such, right? We really do change on the micro skill.

Josh B (26:02)
And would you say that's going through phases as well? Because I do think there's different phases of life.

Amarcus (26:09)
You know, go ahead, Julie.

Big Brother (26:09)
Go. No,

you got it. got it.

Amarcus (26:14)
You know, I myself, I've never really paid attention to different phases, but honestly, I think you do because you have all these phases of like these predetermined phase. Like you say, you have the middle school phase, you have your high school phase, you have your college phase, and then have your young adult phase, then you're going to get slowly bleeped into the ⁓ rest of your life sort of phase, right? Whichever phase those are broken up into and such, right? And you have all those changes that will come.

with entering that new phase of life and such, right? It's like you're going to, like a lot of these changes in my opinion are also something that you just, you can't really stop. Like you have a plan of course and how it will go, but it's going to happen either way, right? Because you're going to have a different mindset between middle school and high school because there's gonna be a different environment that you're gonna be in that you need to adapt to and such, right? Same for between college and high school, between getting out into the industry versus college and such, right?

with those phases I think come with a lot of, you're going to change if you're going to want to keep like a good standard of living, if anything. And that's just on a very basic non-emotional level.

Josh B (27:23)
And let's expand the standard of living concept because I, well, I definitely agree with you phases, but let's expand on that concept. Those phases definitely come with different ideals. Cause I think a lot of early life, you know, especially as people of color, especially as black men, if we're going to go deeper, is about creating this sense of security. So some people,

Amarcus (27:45)
Yep.

Josh B (27:46)
usually distract them, either distract themselves or usually we're choosing one area of development at a certain time. So like for a long time in those early sessions, it's focused on career and get yourself together, focus. And we all took different stages of learning to like develop different parts of myself. So like I'm just now exiting the phase of like learning how to live life. I always feel like because like, you know, like in college, I was hunkered down, do all this stuff, be consistent. And then COVID we act like it didn't happen, but it's hard for people to reflect.

And was like, I need to learn how to manage this aspect and have these things of which I prioritize or diversify streams of success. Everyone talks about having multiple sources of income, but I also think there is a diversity in how you succeed. So like, for example, we built our book club, which is one area where like constantly seeing personal development and leading into communication. have my, a new role where it's like, okay, I can actively, metrically track and have this sense of freedom within it. Then we have.

volunteering like this year, I'm really trying to volunteer and I'm trying to volunteer at least once a month. Then you have the aspect of community building like realizing, oh, I built an active, active friend group and circle here that's slowly expanding outside of itself. Now, how do we continue this going forward and build into these events? And then, you know, I have my dance world where I'm like running, where I'm participating in events here, training like four days a week, traveling, doing maybe starting some media production.

Amarcus (28:51)
Yep.

Josh B (29:15)
But we've I've learned to build what's necessary for me and now I don't feel as Worth it to go and seek like yeah, we still want to try new things but needing to feel constant new stimuli as an experiment Versus like having some focus key focus areas that maintain my life and those new experiences become X Become exercises and exploration as opposed to seeking a distraction or finding something new shiny object syndrome as you will now

Amarcus (29:45)
Right,

Josh B (29:45)
like growth in those areas.

Amarcus (29:47)
would you say that your definition of success has changed with these phases as well?

Josh B (29:52)
Yeah, I would say it's changed and it's it's you still have the external and this is where we kind go back to something we talked about earlier emotional versus emotional versus logic in the sense of like I am that more logic goals oriented person like searching for constant improvement that stuff but they become more diversified in what that looks like and how you can measure that measure that on not only a quantitative but a qualitative scale

you to be use my logic vocabulary, but that success comes in different avenues and what that value is for me, it's this sense of like freedom and like understanding and like achieving my goals. Like there is a number we all want to hit where I'm like, I would love to hit this number and then just be able to really decide. But it's also in the pathway and that journey to get that number. What else can I do? And through all these different experiences, you meet different people. Like again, I've met people who are

professors at local universities who I kid you not are on a plane every other weekend to a dance festival and It's like this is fun and they have kids and I'm just like, okay This is possible this freedom or I meet people who like Run the city and I are on the city council run a nonprofit while Maintaining their own business and you see these multi you interact with these people who have these unique lives and it expands your belief is what is possible I think sometimes

especially again black community black men we're giving this limited experience and that's one of the benefits of social media or just Why I believe everyone needs hobbies or I'm very big into the third place theory of like having that we use a lot of people will have work and home and Their hobbies or everything kind of culturally exist around what they do like we're all engineers So a lot of people will be like, I got to work at home and then I have Nesb or I have

My American Society of Mechanical or enjoy in case civil engineers and that's a lot of what they do and they find this ecosystem But it's limiting their exposure to not only lifestyles but exposure to different types of people from different income back It's different racial and ethnic backgrounds and just different life positions and so once we engage in hobby like you both box I'm Arcus you run a shit ton and You do our joins through this podcast where it's constantly interviewing people

I'm in a space that ⁓ has culturally aligned people as well as people who are just fans of the culture. we're expanding ourselves. And because of that exposure, your definition, like you said, when it comes to yourself, when you're changing yourself and what that ideal version of yourself is and who that is, your definitions of what you believe have to change, whether that's success, a good life, what it means to be free.

your definitions of who's an enemy, what motivates you, all those things start to change with the more interactions you have. And you have to start, as you grow, you, one, have to not only expose yourself to new things, but also figure out what interactions are worth

Big Brother (32:57)
was gonna say to piggyback off that, I was gonna say, you know, absolutely, that you have to... Well, going back to like the whole phasing and everything, I will say it's not even phases, but it's like learning life's lessons of whatever it throws your

Yeah, because you guys know my story. I've had I put it like this, I've dealt with the same problem five times in four different locations like. So, yeah, I needed to reshape how I.

carry myself and what I allow once I've seen that. going off your point of also expanding your circles, well, maybe this is the point. But I know for me specifically, I knew I'd try to not change myself ⁓ going to college because there's always, on TV, it's like you see, like,

I can be a new person, can make a new identity, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, no, I'm going to try to remain myself as best I can. Like, I'm not going to create a persona for ⁓ just because I'm in a new area.

Amarcus (34:18)
So then I guess my question is, to go off of what you just said, how far should we change ourselves? What's the limit of reinventing

Big Brother (34:26)
I don't think there is a limit to ⁓ how far you can reinvent yourself. think every... Really, until the day you die, ⁓ you should probably ideally keep learning to change to get better, if that's what you're trying to do.

Josh B (34:43)
And there is some point of, like you can change, but there I think are certain core things about yourself, maybe what motivates you or what activates you that may change, that may not change. So it's also understanding how do I return to zero in these moments and am I still aligned with my path or like.

Understanding am I just doing something? because I need to do it or am I doing something that actually agrees with me because in those sense of as long as they're not and agrees is kind of a wishy-washy word, but the sentiment is more something that actually gives me a hundred percent alignment and what I'm doing versus I'm doing this because open I've struggled with that as P as someone who's been thrown different opportunities and things

and having to one, not only accept them, but not have this uproar or something about it and really lean in. So to give an example from recently, I recently got offered a chance to be a special guest at an event. Now, financially, I could not, it was not in my best interest to attend, even though I could have, but also from like a spiritual perspective, I do not think it's the right time for me to hit that level.

just because I know that that comes with expectations. And there's a part of me that's like, okay, can't, like my friend Jess was like, no, you're looking down on yourself. I'm like, there's a part of that that's true, but there's the other part of it. What that status means on a community perspective comes with expectations. And I'd rather be able to not fulfill others' expectations, but live up to that, what that name means on like a mass scale because. ⁓

I joke, but at a certain point, because we're also in specialized fields, you start to think of yourself as, ⁓ I'm behind, or I'm not as good as anyone else. And I don't believe that comparison is necessarily evil, but you've got to put it in perspective. Because, like, again, we're black men with ingenu-

Big Brother (36:45)
You know what I mean. You don't know what the other person is going through.

Josh B (36:48)
Yeah, but not in that case. I'm like, we're black men with engineering degrees. For like, from a percentage-wise, that's kind of rare. And we have to accept that. And Amarcus, you have a master's. I work for a medical device company.

Big Brother (37:03)
with the government.

Josh B (37:03)
Joy and you work for you work for the government

like these are rare and far between on like a mass scale so when you put in that perspective like I'm doing well and now with dance I'm like, I'm acknowledged by people I respect I found people I want to train under and really master the craft with and My favorite compliment has compliments have been like you provide a healing space you listen and then Actual perspective from people who have like 20 years in the game saying you are amazing

Amazing for where you are at the time and like that's healthy perspective and I think that's where I'm like With this when I got to offer this opportunity. I'm just like Okay

I want this to be around the time when not all not that I have the accolades but when I feel comfortable I can say like this is what I'm presenting I can introduce myself and it's not this expectation because if this at that point I'd be getting compared to people who are like instructors who are like one Jack and Jill's do all this stuff I'm like I don't want that comparison for myself just yet especially in a place where I don't speak the language

Big Brother (38:10)
No, that's fair. I wanna say growth, knowing what you might put yourself into and like, know what, I'm willing to choose not to accept this or just go back when I'm ready.

Any thoughts on Marcus?

Amarcus (38:32)
⁓ No, think Josh, I think you really tied that in very well. I think I'm with you the entire way.

Big Brother (38:43)
so with that being said and everything, ⁓ what's something you find hard ⁓ mentally or physically to overcome?

Amarcus (38:53)
Hmm. Wanna go first Josh?

Josh B (38:56)
Yeah, I'll go first. I think it's...

I think it's always the learning how to interact on a new operating system. let me be even clearer with that. As we change and as we grow, we learn different things about ourselves and try to be better at operating within our ecosystems or dealing with new people. And so as a more logic-oriented person,

There's been a journey I've been on to learn how to actually engage emotionally with people where they are rather than just disregard or not engage and I'm finally past that point of that journey of where I'm no longer interacting with purely logic or that's like the baseline of interaction of my interactions now I'm engaging emotionally with the subject and It is hard to it's hard to learn that later in life and so I'm noticing it's disappointing a lot of people because it was much easier when I just

engaged like, and disappointments might not be the right word, but it's, it's fresh, it frustrates some people in those interactions because I think there's this expectation of like, you should learn this already. I'm like, well, no, I'm trying to be better. And it's, I think the hard thing you're dealing with mentally, it's like as you grow, as you grow.

the pain of growth externally and internally, because there is the stuff like this is hard for me to learn, but it's also hard to learn in that environment socially when you're not great. And it's a bit easier to understand when it is something like, ⁓ I just don't know how to do this math equation, let me learn it. Or, ⁓ I don't know how to really do this dance move versus those core understandings of human interaction. Like, I don't know how to deal with this situation emotionally, but I'm so far removed from my old operating system.

of like only engaging with this logically. I'm stuck between this rock and a hard place of like I can't go back to how I used to be but I'm not where I want to be yet and dealing with the reactions you get from that is something you I'm always I've been struggling with for the last even two to two years of like how do we go into these interactions.

Amarcus (40:53)
Thank

It

sounds like there's a missing click to really understand where does it get to the next level where you want to be and such, right? It's like, hey, I'm missing, I'm here, and I'm not really where I want to be, but there's something I'm not really getting to kind of get me to that next level.

Josh B (41:23)
I don't think it's a missing click. It's one thing that if I did understand where I need to go, for me it's like I'm trying to get there and that's why I've been really adopting this principle of grace. I I adopted this ever since I did standup.

while a few years ago because it is this understanding of like the attempt to make a joke and the bombing is part of the process and if you extra if you put that same lens onto especially male male emotional and communicative development you have to bomb sometimes and whereas like in the guild of comedians there is this sense of like comedian fellow comedians will never judge you for bombing and ⁓

It's no matter how extreme it is like me personally if you're a good comedian If you're a true believer in like stand-up comedy If it's from if you know that person's coming from a sense of joke no matter how bad or how vulgar it is

You'll let them make the joke and you'll tell them like, there's a better way you could have said that, but you won't be pissed at them for the attempt. And I think as human beings are in these interaction systems, we've been fed this. I'm not going to say propaganda, but we've been fed the, lot of media saying you have to forgive people. People grow up in different circumstances, all that. And we got to attempt to be better, but that grace isn't always given. And that's where I'm like learning. like, it's not another person's job to like accommodate my growth.

Big Brother (42:31)
Hmm.

Josh B (42:55)
or me becoming a better person, I have to just live with the...

I have to live with the consequences of my action and just try to be better. And that's for me. It's not for other people with respect. And the people who truly care about me, like the book club or some of the people I found here, are willing to accept. And that's weirdly become a value I look for in friends and great human beings of this sense of like, do you take the comedian approach to emotional and personal development of where people try? And if you truly love them, are you willing to give them the benefit of the doubt?

It is a hard thing to deal with in the moment.

Amarcus (43:32)
So it's giving yourself the grace to fail, right? And to kind of grow at your own pace. Did I catch that right? ⁓

Josh B (43:39)
Yeah, grow at

your own pace and not let others deter you and understand that there's pain with growth and there's failure with growth. we a lot of the times think of growth as mainly this external thing, but when it deals with the interpersonal growth, that is a hard journey a lot of us go on.

Amarcus (43:42)
others, even if they're frustrated.

Big Brother (44:00)
Can

Amarcus (44:00)
Makes sense.

Big Brother (44:01)
I'll actually want to include with you being a comedian, the comedians ⁓ not criticizing you. something else that I've seen over is like the professional basketball player won't criticize the newbie. The professional comedian won't criticize someone who's just trying to get into comedy.

but it's always the people who aren't doing it who has the most to say. So wanted to throw that out.

Josh B (44:27)
yeah, but I just want to clarify the criticism thing. It's not that they won't criticize. It's that they won't judge you for they will judge you by your intent. And that's a very different thing from criticism because there is healthy criticism of like, again, if if we had a friend go into barber school and we let them cut our hair, we wouldn't say they intentionally tried to mess up our hair and give us a terrible lineup.

That was not their intention, but we'd still be like, dude, ⁓ you gotta lay off the clippers. You gotta grease them things up. You gotta clean those things or you'll give someone ringworm. That's constructive criticism versus we're not believing they intended to do harm by their statement. Or we don't believe they intended to fuck up my hairline before G-HO.

Big Brother (44:53)
Mm.

Mm.

⁓ But that actually reminds me of something else. ⁓ What I have to overcome is I'm gonna call it my people-pleasing tendencies because I'm always quick to say yes or yeah, we can make it happen. ⁓ And I'm not saying that's necessarily a bad thing per se. I recognize and manage it like I was saying before.

Amarcus (45:18)
into

Big Brother (45:47)
say how I truly feel, but also I'm in a place now to where my willingness to accept BS has greatly lowered because I got, I got, I told you guys, a friend was supposed to help me move apartments and he chose to go to sleep on me twice.

And a past version of myself, I'm like, all right, cool, it's whatever. But the fact that I actually needed him and he was like, the excuse was like, had things to do. I'm like, no, I seen this. I don't need this to be around me. So am I still talking with the person? Yes. But I sense stop texting him fully.

because I'm like, I just don't want, like I see these are your true colors. I just don't need that around me. I don't want that around me. So it's hard because I'm not trying to give mixed signals, but.

I'm also like, no, I'm good on this.

Josh B (47:08)
is it?

I asked this question and I want you to answer it seriously. Do you rank the people you associate with in your life? Do you have tiers to how you see them?

Big Brother (47:20)
No? Ranking is like this my like, what do mean by ranking before I like.

Josh B (47:26)
Do

you have people you prioritize based on not like this, and let me clarify, I'm not saying this from a transactional nature, but in the sense of like a value alignment, who they are, what they've contributed to your life, and understand what you're willing to give them.

Big Brother (47:41)
No, because

I say it with friends. I'm like, time and distance doesn't define my friendship. We could not talk to each other for months at a time, but I'm still willing to help you out if you just say you need me. ⁓

Josh B (48:01)
But we

say time and distance, but do you define what?

those relationships are. And the reason I'm asking for you is because I do think there is something to understanding the depth of your relationships and what you're willing to give people. Because I think there are some people who I can talk to on a daily basis where they ask me to help them move. I'm like, no, because I don't know you well enough. it's just like this isn't the level of depth versus, again, I had a friend at the time who like you all know, I know

I had literally known her for four months, but we had developed a relationship and we had really given and she had helped me through some things. And so I just said yes to helping her plan her wedding. And it aligned with my skillset as well as the person I at the moment cared about and was investing heavily in my life and I was investing heavily in hers. And this is why I think for you, maybe I'm asking these questions of like, you have to define your relationships and also understand

Maybe how the things you're asking them a line because like you wouldn't ask a friend You bet you barely know who did like street medic training to like clean a bullet wound for you on the street, but like Doctor friend you've known for ages you'd prefer them to maybe do that and take care of your child after and so it's under I'm asking you like

Big Brother (49:16)
yeah, absolutely not.

Josh B (49:27)
Do you, maybe not rank your relationship and friends, but define those relationships and what boundaries you put across what type of person this is.

Amarcus (49:37)
Right, and

there's nothing wrong with that too, just to say that because you come to a point in your life and it's like, okay, this friend that I have in front of me, who are they to me as such? What would I do with them? What would I not do with them as such, right? It's like, if I needed like an emergency place to stay, would they be a place that I would go to? Right? Or if they had an emergency and needed help, would I be okay with going to my house?

So it's okay to do those sort of things, understand the depth of your relationships with people.

Big Brother (50:09)
To answer your question. I Think if I'm getting to the point I still want to say no, I don't rank my the people I'm close to but When I'll put all this because this is the switch when I'm truly need you

Because I don't ask for help often. When I truly need you and you choose not to help me. ⁓

And I like I'm reasonable like if you had a reason like ⁓ something popped up blah blah blah blah blah. That's understandable. But if I can't rely on your word. Why? Sure, I trust you for anything else. That's that's kind of what that that is because the person. Because the person did say he was going months in advance or let's say weeks weeks in advance. I asked him to help me and I'm like hey I need either. Rather I said it on.

Josh B (50:57)
And that's a fair point.

Big Brother (51:09)
I already knew there was five items I personally could not move by myself. And I'm like, hey, you help me with this. And he's like, yeah, I got you, day of. He was supposed to come to me. And the thing is, I know ⁓ the path he takes. He needed to pass me. So he actively chose to sleep. And then the second day, he was like, yeah, I got you. I'm just gonna do this one thing. And then... ⁓

come help you. And I don't even ask about it. I'm like, all right, cool. ⁓ It took until the end of the day for me to ask him like, where are you at? He's like, ⁓ my day went longer. I went to sleep. I'm like, okay, cool. I don't need that in my life. So that's why I'm like, ⁓ you show me your true colors. And I'm like, let me make my judgment. like, I don't want this.

as a friendship because I can't trust you to give me your word. If that makes sense.

Amarcus (52:13)
Thank

You asked for help and then he made a commitment and then he didn't honor that commitment. I I know anybody will be thrown off. Somebody will be honored with that commitment.

Josh B (52:24)
Yeah, and there's a difference because I mean, I've definitely been a person who's not honored commitments and I've justified sometimes it being a values thing and that's where.

I've learned and maybe this is not the instance for it, but going forward, I challenge you to like, I do believe everything is a choice, but it's understanding the rationale from the choice does make things easier. Like I do think there is something that you said, like if I wasn't feeling up to it, yeah, then it's on the onus of someone to reschedule.

like we talked about this and when we read Logan Urie's dating book in the sense of like if I, you cancel once, I'll reschedule. If you cancel twice, if you're really interested, it's kind of on you to make an effort and maybe not twice, but there has to be a point of where it's not transactional, but there's a mutual exchange of it wanting to be and with relationships, they say it's a hundred hundred. So let's say friendships are 75, 75, there's levels.

to me and Megan have talked about there's levels to different friendships, compatibility and that stuff and where it can grow. But like true friendships, there's levels to how much you're willing to give to a person. And you can only give so much. there is, people talk about abundance, but there's only so much you can give of your time. But they do have to be like, we're mutually trying to give. And we can't get the same amount at every time, but we have to still be mutually able to give. so like judging the rationale of why someone may have bailed out is something I do challenge to do.

Big Brother (53:53)
Oh, absolutely.

And the thing is, I don't want to have, feel this type of way. he, because the other thing is the lack of communication that I realized lack of communication is the fastest way to piss me off because if he didn't want to help me, he co-said it at any moment in time, rather it was a valid reason or not, he co-said something. It was the fact that I was, uh, 6 PM was

waiting on him, just like, hey, you, you still gonna show up? And he's like, nah, I'm staying in for the night. So that's another thing that I'm like, yeah, I'm good on this.

Amarcus (54:32)
Yep. If I only got like five minutes for it to happen, it's not funny at all. Because you have clients that surround it around this person. Like, what if you needed to lift a couch of the house and all that, right? And you can't do that by yourself. What if you was the only person? No way.

Big Brother (54:37)
Exactly.

literally what happened. Continue.

Josh B (54:50)
And you're better than this is a better way to handle things and how I've used to handle this in the past of, you I don't believe you'll show up on time. So I'm going to tell you when I'm showing up. No, I know when we're supposed to leave, when I'm getting there and I'm going to and I'm going to extrapolate 15 to 30 minutes ahead of what I need to be there and tell you that's the time because I believe you're going to be late now.

Big Brother (55:13)
Mm.

Josh B (55:16)
In the past I have been dishonest about that now I am more honest and just say this is when we need to be here for us to leave on time versus No telling using my wording like no the bus leaves at this time the bus isn't even at the facility by the time they show up

Big Brother (55:34)
No, I'm always going to be the person who's like, just tell me a time where you need to be because I will show up within my power on the time you said, tell me. For sure.

Josh B (55:45)
Tell me

what's really going on.

Again, reference game is undefeated.

Big Brother (55:48)
Look, I got one more question for you guys.

That's so funny. I got one more question for you guys just to hear your thoughts and everything. What's something in your past that used to bother you that no one here does?

Amarcus (56:07)
Wait, could you clarify a more? What do mean? ⁓

Big Brother (56:10)
Yeah, so what's

something that bothers you at some point in your past that doesn't bother you anymore? Like you've either grown past it or you just don't think about it anymore.

Amarcus (56:17)
I'll let you know.

Big Brother (56:23)
You have an answer, Josh, or are you thinking about it?

Josh B (56:25)
I let

Marcus go first.

Amarcus (56:28)
I'm to think what's something that really bothered me in the past but doesn't bother me anymore.

I guess when... ⁓

When plans fall through, right? Because I am a proponent of, okay, I'm completely fine with going to do this sort of thing by myself, et cetera. Like for example, going to a movie and all that, Before, you would not catch me going to a movie by myself. Maybe like, and this is like, like old, old, I'm marketing. You wouldn't catch me going to a movie. But nowadays it's like, and if a person is like, oh, I can't go anymore, or I, whatever reason they may have and all that, right? It's like, well, am I gonna stop myself?

Big Brother (56:55)
you

Amarcus (57:10)
see this movie. I'm gonna go see this movie because I want to go see it. So I guess doing things by myself ⁓ and I've always you know especially coming up to Michigan in which I'm fully by myself now. I don't really have like a lot of my old friends that were with me and all that. ⁓ You got to learn to like do things on your own.

Josh B (57:35)
I'm snapping because I've had this conversation many a time with people, a lot of my interns especially and people who move here, about when you move to the Midwest or, well, the Midwest.

or you're coming from a big city, have to understand, like you just got to do things and things won't be given to you. Like for example, for clarity, for those listening, we all went to school in North Carolina and a lot of us spent a lot of time growing up in the South or near big cities. So there's just this understanding of you'll find stuff to do or people will invite you in. The Midwest is like, nope, figure that out. And you have to get over that, that hump. And that's why I'm a snapping. Cause I'm like, Amarcus, I'm glad you realized that. Cause I still have people here.

Amarcus (57:55)
Yep.

Yep. Yep.

Josh B (58:20)
I have new employees here every year who never realize like, no, you moved here and it is potentially uninviting, but you gotta go out there and find some stuff to find people or you will not survive.

Amarcus (58:33)
And in an extension to that, also, when I came up here, I wanted to have a lot of friends. Because back at home, back to school, I had a very big friend group of 19, 20 people in school.

And so when I was kind of by myself, was really creating like a lot of friendship as well. So like I want to go out and go make some friends and such, right? But I've learned that it's better to have like that quality circle versus just having it seem to that you can divide to, you know, to your functions. So just a good quality circle of friends is better.

Josh B (59:07)
Yeah.

As an extension of that, I think one thing I've begun and I'm still working on is to let myself be a nerd about things and understand people's priorities are different. Cause I used to get, you know, in the sense of like, we're a team, you gotta care. And that comes from like sports and like football in the sense of when you join something, you're like, it's faith, family.

occupation, works, and school, and then the team.

And I've just realized with certain even work qualities or my hobbies when I'm in these stuff, some people won't be as interested or some people won't be ready to engage in that way. And so you have to and I've learned to manage that internally and externally. Externally, I've just learned to get better at I've not I've let go of like the judgment part of that and just being to understand like, no, you just don't have to cast before that. That's fine. But no, I don't need to be with you in this moment because

These this is what the expectations were set and some days I'm going to change that expectations other days. I'm not I'm not because this is a core thing and I have to understand what this is internally I've realized especially as I've traveled and I've gone through this in different aspects of my life and this is why again people need hobbies to learn people need hobbies to engage with other people and create personal development

You realize how big the world is or how even big your ecosystem is and you can find people who somewhat have an availability have a you have a connection with an availability to and so while you're trying to create that in your local or communal space at the moment you can find that space externally and that gives you the belief it's possible. So yeah it's this acceptance of like nope I can be hyper interested in something and really go at it.

But I don't have to feel alone in that interest because there's more than likely someone out there. And when it comes to dealing with who aren't as interested, it's managing, learning that it's okay to manage those expectations and meet people where they are or just say no.

Amarcus (1:01:24)
Yep.

Big Brother (1:01:26)
Just so know. For me, I've actually thought of a couple of things that I have to kind of that used to bother me. And so there's like past relationships that I'm like, all right, that got underneath my skin for one reason or another. There's my family relationship, which I'm not going to get into here, but I'm like, all right, I'm just at this point, I'm just listening. I'm just to get ⁓

Amarcus (1:01:27)
Yep.

Big Brother (1:01:56)
both sides of someone's story, not to pass judgment, to shun them or anything, just to get information, just to hear. ⁓ But something that I've also, that used to bother me was actually being able to fail. to, from being an AB student in high school, moving into college, getting my first C was like unheard of. So I'm like, ⁓ I need to be better at this.

And so I actually retook the class even though I didn't need to because you know the famous saying, C's get degrees. ⁓ So that was...

Amarcus (1:02:35)
Josh.

Josh B (1:02:40)
No, no, I'm

saying this because I'm saying this because I'm proud because like me and Julian had this conversation. Wow. Before you before Marcus, you knew Julian like me and Julian had this conversation before. And this is this is an acknowledgement of growth. And I'm just like, damn, I forgot about that.

Big Brother (1:02:46)
Yeah

Yeah.

But yeah, that's something that doesn't bother me so much anymore. Failure. ⁓ Even earlier today, I saw a message for work. It's like, yeah, by the way, because you didn't do this, ⁓ we're going to remove access or something. I'm like, whoa, damn, I thought I did this. Got to just come Monday or Tuesday, depending on where work is open. I'm like, I'm just going to.

⁓ redo it and go from there because I'm like I can't change the past. ⁓ So yeah, but you know getting getting over failure, which is also something I'm also striving for quote unquote is what I'm trying to do for that because even though we share each other's goals for the year something else that I thought of was try to to fail ⁓ like a hundred times this year because ⁓

well, one just to get over it, but also from a quote was like life works backwards and statistics to see you need to fail. I'm like, let's see, not trying to intentionally fail, but just put myself out there and just see what happens.

Amarcus (1:04:10)
So you're basically decreasing your rejection sensitivity. OK. That's what it sounds like.

Josh B (1:04:15)
Yeah, that's a hard

Big Brother (1:04:15)
Yeah, true.

Josh B (1:04:16)
one.

Big Brother (1:04:17)
True. But it's not even just with like relationships and being rejected, but like, ⁓ let's say

Josh B (1:04:23)
Rejection doesn't only

apply to relationships,

Big Brother (1:04:27)
You got me?

Josh B (1:04:28)
Expand your,

you gotta expand the context. Diction is key, contextual understanding is important.

Big Brother (1:04:32)
You got me there. You

got me there. But yeah, no, that's what I'm trying to do.

Amarcus (1:04:41)
I've seen a

dude online where he just goes and like walks around and is like, hey, can I try this? And the person is like, sure. And like they're not things that normal people do. It's like a...

He was walking by a person laying bricks, like, hey, can I help you out with this? And whenever he's asking these questions, like these random people, a lot of them say yes, and everything too. So that could be one way you do that, Julie. You just go out, touch some grass, see a person doing something in the garden, like, hey, can I help you out? And then see how that goes. If they say no, they say no. The worst that they can say is no in a lot of cases.

Big Brother (1:05:17)
⁓ if they threw a brick at you, think that's the word that could have happened. Can I help you? Break. ⁓

Amarcus (1:05:21)
No

fear in the rejection. I mean, that's a rejection of the sub, ⁓ Right.

Big Brother (1:05:27)
Yeah

Josh B (1:05:28)
Bob and weave, bob and weave,

Big Brother (1:05:30)
You

Josh B (1:05:31)
bob and weave.

Big Brother (1:05:33)
you

Amarcus (1:05:33)
Don't forget, you're art history strong as a disciple, man. You got it. Sorry.

Big Brother (1:05:36)
you

Josh B (1:05:38)
Yeah, I started rewatching that yesterday. was like, wow, this show was wild.

Amarcus (1:05:44)
I don't want to reread it. It's been a while.

Big Brother (1:05:45)
But

it's funny you say touch grass because I'm I can't remember if I mentioned this but like I said, I've just been a sloth in my place these past since the new year. So I'm like, I really do need to get out. that is that's all I'm gonna. Actually, no, no, not necessarily.

Josh B (1:05:56)
name here.

And you have warm weather, so you have no excuses. No, no, no, no, no,

This weekend, this weekend is different because there's a winter storm coming through half the country. ⁓ Most regular winters, you have no excuse. Me and Amarcus will be going outside today at negative 20 degree weather. No, no.

Big Brother (1:06:09)
That is is

Amarcus (1:06:19)
Exactly. Mr. know, yeah,

you got like 40 degree weather most of the time. You'd be all right. Go outside.

Big Brother (1:06:25)
Yeah.

Yeah. But.

Josh B (1:06:28)
No,

no, no. I say he can go outside. Like, if you go outside, walk. Do not drive because southern people can't drive at the slightest bit of white snow, just like people up north can't drive with rain here.

Amarcus (1:06:41)
It's so weird. like, ugh. I don't understand. You have like, I really like to like a good 20 car pile up that happened on the interstate and everything in the snow. But you hear like a 30, 40 pile up happen because of some rain. I'm like, what is going on?

Big Brother (1:06:46)
That I understand.

Josh B (1:06:58)
It's because our roads are also

Big Brother (1:06:58)
you

Josh B (1:06:59)
made

out of cement. The cement blend and the fact that we have non-reflective paint is insane to me. ⁓

Amarcus (1:07:03)
Yeah. ⁓

Big Brother (1:07:05)
That's very interesting. But that is the time that I did ask for you guys just before that way ⁓ you guys can get out of here and everything. Before you guys go, the floor is yours. ⁓ I'm going to start with the markets. ⁓ You got anything to share, promote anything? Floor is yours.

Amarcus (1:07:23)
Well, guys,

I guess two things. First is I'm proud of both of y'all for your journeys and how far you've become. know, Julian, I didn't know you too much in college and everything, right, man? But you told me about your story and your journeys. you know, you can definitely see a difference with who you are today versus who you were before, but not right. And you should be very proud of the walk in life that you've had.

that you're having. I don't want say have like you're yeah but you're gonna go even further you know later down the years as well too so be very proud of you know where you've come and where you're going to go as well. right and second thing is Hefe put into the chat ⁓ his response to your main question. I'll go ahead and read it out for you.

Big Brother (1:07:50)
No, I get it. get it. I appreciate it.

Yeah.

Amarcus (1:08:10)
Anyway,

give me a shout out on the podcast. My answer to you are still your emotions and thoughts and body all change. The you that remembers the emotions, thoughts, and the body of the past and can tell the difference between the past and now is still, it doesn't change. This doesn't feel like English. I love Henry, but I did not.

Josh B (1:08:28)
⁓ I just

want to ⁓ take this quick moment to just take a small jab at you Marcus. Again, Jeffrey left, couldn't participate in the whole podcast, but in the chat still contributed when he was unavailable. I'm saying keep that same energy. ⁓

Amarcus (1:08:36)
They sing.

my goodness. We don't have questions on the day! Day! Day!

Big Brother (1:08:53)
You

Josh B (1:08:54)
Again,

to give context a shout out, we are in a book club at Amarkus for, there was one time where Amarkus recommended a book and Omish, we had about eight meetings on this book. Amarkish only showed up to the first and last one and offered no comment. And yeah, yeah. And this is, again, to give you context, we don't meet every week. I think this was like a 16 week span and he missed more than a quarter of a year's worth of meetings. So.

Amarcus (1:09:09)
Man.

how

life gets at you man.

Josh B (1:09:25)
Yeah, we're just we're just we're just it's all jokes. But yeah again Marcus

Marcus is always expanding. I think he's I think for you it's been ⁓

It's been always fun seeing you take be a bit more I'm using this word hyperbolic Lee greedy when it comes to your life choices because I do think sometimes you over gave a lot when it came to college responsibilities or you were doing something for someone else. Now you're finding alignment with like, okay, this is how I be my best self for other people while still enjoying my life, which is a great thing to see. You're probably going to be the first one of us to get married again, as I said in book club, if you get engaged before any of us meet your partner,

Big Brother (1:09:42)
Mm.

Josh B (1:10:05)
It won't be a bachelor party. It will be a bachelor jumping. But ⁓ yeah, it's good to see you happy healthy and surviving. Julian, we're all in this transition. I think you've finally like settled in. Things have become a bit more standard. There's one outstanding issue. We're trying to get resolved by the end of quarter one and we we're all pushing for that. But once that's gone, everything will be good. And I'm excited to see you. Shoutouts.

Amarcus (1:10:10)
You

Thank you, Jeff.

Josh B (1:10:33)
Just, we gotta keep reading. ⁓ Take your time. Take your time with it. Everyone get a hobby. Please find a third place to be. Do not just work and go home. Find a third place to interact and meet with people of different backgrounds. And hopefully that place is not ethnically or career tied. Please, you need something that engages you on a unique perspective and forces you to interact with people you wouldn't normally meet on the day to day. Not only for like...

dating or finding a person reasons but just for yourself you need perspective.

Amarcus (1:11:07)
delivery.

Big Brother (1:11:08)
that said, I will do the thing. Usually the thing is just one thing, but I have a couple. First, ⁓ Jeffrey, thank you for trying to be here. Got to have to get you back on at some point. I don't know how that's going to work, but we can do it. ⁓ that thank you also goes to you, Mark, and you, Josh.

⁓ Because even though it's not exactly the 50th episode like we said when you were back on way years ago But I really do appreciate you know coming back and then that also brings me to the my second thing I said it before I'm going to keep saying it. Thank you so much for Supporting me with this podcast. I did this before ⁓ you ⁓ But I didn't do it right so I want to tell it to your face

Thank you for joining the Patreon because without you giving the feedback that you provided, this wouldn't have made it as far or without the ease. So thank you so much, Josh, for contributing to the podcast. You're the reason why I'm able to broadcast everywhere. I just want to put that out there on record. And then the quote of the day, you know.

Amarcus (1:12:24)
Wait, wait, wait, Julian, wait, God, I know where gets me. Can I redo Jeffrey Smith's? Because now I actually get the context, everything is the same. I want to give Jeffrey an apology because when I was first reading through it, it didn't sound legible.

Big Brother (1:12:27)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead.

Josh B (1:12:39)
Reading is fundamental.

Reading is fundamental. Reading is fundamental.

Big Brother (1:12:41)
This is the book club guys, this is the book club. Go ahead.

Amarcus (1:13:04)
See, see, see, see,

Big Brother (1:13:08)
Got you.

Amarcus (1:13:10)
And like, yeah, I want to get a head-pain. Apology. I love you, bro.

I'm trying.

Big Brother (1:13:16)
Gotta love this. ⁓ I would love to book up to be back on here officially, all three of us, all four of us again at some point. But again, we can figure this out. And then ⁓ if you show up by yourself, that's definitely an option too. But like I said, I read from my phone that way. ⁓ This quote, I actually have no idea where this quote came from. I don't know. I was looking through my notes.

Amarcus (1:13:26)
I think you have to clean the computer. So there's that, yeah.

Big Brother (1:13:44)
It sounds like something I did, but I'm not giving myself credit for it. Don't know where it came from. ⁓ the quote for this episode is, You are not what happened to you. You are what you choose to become.

Josh B (1:13:59)
Yep.

Big Brother (1:14:00)
Yeah. So with that being said, my send off is don't forget to ask yourself, ask others, and never stop asking questions. See you.

Amarcus (1:14:01)
Amen.

Josh B (1:14:02)
But is that it?

See ya.